


A Mean Chai Tea Latte (And Other Reasons To Fall In Love)

by bananzer



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Shop Owner Bofur, Florist Bilbo Baggins, Florists, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28126431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananzer/pseuds/bananzer
Summary: In which Fili and Kili have a brilliant idea, Bofur makes a mean chai tea latte, and Bilbo is grievously put upon. Written for the Hobbit Discord Server's 2020 Gift Exchange
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Bofur, Bilbo Baggins & Fíli & Kíli, Bilbo Baggins/Bofur, Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28
Collections: The Hobbit Discord Server’s Holiday Gift Exchange 2020





	A Mean Chai Tea Latte (And Other Reasons To Fall In Love)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhiteFireDaydreams](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteFireDaydreams/gifts).



> I tried to combine as many prompts as I could, but also put my own spin on it! I combined the florist/tattoo artist with a coffee shop au... I think it works?

“I have an idea.” 

Kili looks up as his brother walks into the cafe, a contemplative look in his blue eyes. Fili strolls up to the counter and grins at his brother. "Do you want to hear it?"   
“Depends. Are you gonna buy coffee or are you just gonna stand there?” Kili asks cheekily, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Oh, right. Caramel frappuccino and a muffin, please.”

Kili grins again and turns away to start mixing the drink. “So, what’s your idea?” he asks over his shoulder. 

“What if we set Bofur and Bilbo up?”

That statement, said blithely by a smiling Fili, is so shocking it makes Kili drop about half a scoopful of ice on the ground. “What?” he whirls around fully, but not before dumping the rest of the ice in the blender.

“Oh, shit," Fili says, laughing. “Sorry, Kili.”

Kili waves the ice scoop at him and kicks most of the debris under the counters. “It’s fine. You just caught me off guard.” Then, he grins at his older brother. “You wanna set our bosses up with each other? That’s sort of out of character for you.”

Fili shrugs bashfully and rubs the back of his neck. “I know, but I think they really like each other.”

“You think so?” Kili says, getting excited. He slathers the top of the drink with whipped cream and slides it over to his brother. “You better tip me, by the way, I gave you extra whipped cream because you're my brother and I love you.”

Fili rolls his eyes goodnaturedly and stuffs a couple of bills in the tip jar. “Thanks, man. When are you on break? I'll explain everything to you.”

Kili hands him his muffin. “I dunno, let me check.”

“You can take your break now if you want!” Bofur sticks his head out of the backroom, shooting Kili a thumbs up. “Have fun!” Kili and Fili look at him with consternation, but it's clear he only heard the very tail end of their conversation.

* * *

Fili and Kili take a table near the back of the cluttered cafe, Fili with his drink and muffin, and Kili with a protein shake he’d brought from home. 

“Do you have, like, a plan?” Kili asks, stealing part of his brother’s muffin. “Why do you think they like each other?”

“Hey! I paid for that!” Fili hisses, jabbing at him with his fork.

The front door dings again, and they glance up. Fili’s boss, Bilbo Baggins, enters the cafe. No one can miss the way his face lights up when he sees Bofur at the counter. He makes a beeline to him and within moments, they’re deep in conversation.    
Fili pulls his muffin closer to himself to protect it from his brother. “Just look at the way they look at each other, dude. There’s definitely something there.”

Kili stops trying to grab the muffin and peeks over at the two at the counter. 

Bofur has a slightly dopey look on his face, and when Bilbo laughs, it just gets dopier. Finally, Bofur turns away to make his drink (chai latte, two cinnamon sticks, with almond milk. Kili knows Bilbo's order by heart, as with the orders of all their regulars) and Bilbo stares at his back (and maybe his butt. Kili swears he sees his chin dip a little bit). He can’t see his face from this angle, but he would bet his left shoe it's as dopey as Bofur’s. He grins.

“What do you have in mind?”

* * *

Honestly, it's just obvious that they should get together. To Fili, at least. Bilbo Baggins is… probably one of the best people ever. Fili had met him when he had been looking for a job in highschool, and he’d applied at Bilbo’s flowershop on a whim. He doubted he would actually hire him, he thinks Bilbo offered him the interview out of pity, but in the end he had smiled at Fili and offered him the job. 

The florists turned into more than a job. It became an escape, especially when his dad died. Bilbo had always been there for Fili even when his family hadn’t been able to, through thick and thin. He hadn’t had to, but he had been and three years later, Fili’s still working there, getting himself through college. 

So, yeah, Bilbo Baggins deserved all good things, and, well, Bofur was a good thing.

* * *

Their idea starts out pretty tame, just a little bit of what Fili calls ‘light persuasion’. 

Fili is helping Bilbo stock new flowers one evening when he brings it up. 

“What do you think of Bofur?” He asks bluntly, arranging a collection of Larkspur in a pot.

Bilbo looks up from checking the condition of a somewhat frayed bunch of yellow roses and narrows his eyes at him. “I like him just fine. Why, Fili?”

“No reason,” he says quickly.

He stares at him for a moment and twitches his nose. “All right?”

They’re quiet for a moment, before Fili asks. “Have you ever had a boyfriend? Or girlfriend? I dunno what you’re into.”

That gimlet stare returns. For someone so reminiscent of a fluffy little bunny rabbit, Bilbo can be surprisingly scary when he wants to be.    
“Fili, that’s inappropriate.”

“No, no, it’s not like that, I promise!” He quickly deflects, “it’s just, there’s this girl Kili is really into but he doesn’t know how to talk to her and I was wondering if you had some… insight? I dunno, he asked me but I’m not good with talking to people.”

Bilbo furrows his brow. “Is this one of those ‘I’m asking for a friend’ situations? Because if you need advice, you can just ask me, Fili.”

“I swear this isn’t about me! I’m trying to set up my brother!”

Bilbo doesn’t seem to believe him, but he lets that drop. “Well, my advice for your brother is simple. Just be nice and up front. Introduce yourself and strike up a conversation. If he seems interested, he should ask her out for coffee or something.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll tell him.” 

With that, Fili beats a hasty retreat.

* * *

“Hey, what do you think about Bilbo?” Kili asks, pouring coffee beans into a jar. Bofur gives him a quizzical look. 

“Bilbo as in Baggins? Owner of Baggins Buds?”

“Yeah. D’you think he’s handsome?”

“Isn’t he a little old for you, lad?”

Kili gives Bofur a withering look. “C’mon man. Not like that.”

The older man chuckles. “I’m kidding. Why do you ask?”

“I dunno.” Kili shrugs. “he comes in here every day and he seems to like talking to you. Maybe you should ask him out.”

Bofur laughs again. “No way, Kili. He wouldn’t be interested in me. All he comes in here for is the fact that I make a mean chai latte.”

“You do make a  _ great _ chai latte.” Kili agrees with a laugh. “But seriously, Bofur, I think you should ask him out, like, you’re awesome! Why wouldn’t he want to date you? You’re funny and smart and, as you said, you make a mean chai latte. He loves those.”

“He does indeed love those,” Bofur says, his face getting dopey again. “Sometimes when he drinks them he gets a little milk mustache. It’s so cute.” He stiffens suddenly, as if remembering who he’s talking to. “But no, it wouldn’t work.” He pats Kili on the shoulder with a jolly smile. “Good effort, though, Kee.”

* * *

The two brother’s rendezvous after their shifts to explain their results. Kili laughs himself to tears at the awkward situation Fili had gotten himself in, and Fili scolds Kili for being too blunt about it. “I think we should just go with my plan,” Kili says, when he can breathe again. 

“We are not locking them in a room, that’s  _ stupid _ .”

“Not a room, a closet, and it’s brilliant.”

“How on earth would you set that up?”

“I dunno, I’ll think of something. You just… talk about how great Bofur is to Bilbo.”

“He’ll think I have a crush on him if I do that. That’s weird, Kili. Bofur’s like, fifteen years older than me.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Fili does not.

* * *

After a long brainstorming session, Fili suggests they gift Bofur some bouquets of flowers with 

significant meanings, saying they’re from Bilbo. Kili tells him that’s bullshit, as Bofur doesn’t know anything about flowers.

“Just trust me,” Fili says, putting together a bouquet of white acacia and jonquil.

“What do these flowers even mean?” Kili asks.

“First love and ‘please return my affections’.”

“Bofur isn’t going to know that. Just do a dozen red roses, like a normal person.”

“That’s way too on the nose, Kili.”

“And this is completely  _ off  _ the nose.”

“That’s not a saying.”

“It is now. This idea sucks.”

Fili glares. “Shut up.”

“If this one doesn’t work, we’re trying my ideas, since both of yours have failed.”

* * *

It doesn’t work. Of course.

Bofur is touched by the flowers from his friend, and uses them to decorate the tables in the cafe. They’d hoped he’d at least put them in his office to look at, but no. Onto the tables they go. Fili is more than slightly annoyed that his lovely bouquet gets broken up, after he worked so hard on it, too! 

He reluctantly agrees to try Kili’s ideas.

* * *

Before they escalate to just… locking them in a room, Fili and Kili try one last idea.

It involves a huge box of soil and a loose stone on the step up to the shop. It’s probably one of their worst ideas, but no one will die. Most likely.

It’s Kili’s idea, and Fili feels a little miffed at being the one who had to orchestrate it, but Kili insists it will be suspicious if he does. 

Fili gives the stone a little nudge, so the next person to step on it will lose their balance, then vanishes into the back of the shop for plausible deniability reasons.

Bilbo takes quite the tumble. Not enough to be seriously hurt, but it's still impressive. And of course, Bofur, being the gem that he is, hurries over at top speed to help him up. Fili and Kili peer out of the windows as the two of them dither about, Bilbo falling over himself to apologize and Bofur just as earnestly telling him that “it's no bother at all, it's not his fault, it's what anyone would do for a friend!” It doesn’t move on from Bofur helping Bilbo carry the soil into the shop, they’d at least been hoping for some pining glances, but they get  _ nothing _ for their efforts!

Fili glares at Kili through the frosty glass. Kili shrugs as if it's not his fault.

* * *

Something slams down on the counter above him and Bofur jumps, hitting his head on the shelf over him. He’d been crouching down beneath the counter, sorting through coffee beans. He groans. His ever present hat had done little to lessen the damage. He stands, rubbing his head. “Why did you do tha--” He stops. Bilbo is standing there with both his hand on the counter in front of him and a peeved look on his face. Bofur can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face. “Hullo, Bilbo!”

The other man doesn’t return the smile. “My boiler is broken,” he says, seeming despondent. “And the mechanic can’t come look at it until next week.”

Bofur frowns. “But this is your peak selling season! If you have no heat for that long…”

“I know!” Bilbo cries, distressed. "How good are you at repairing things?'

The other man screws up his face, thinking, scratching his hairline under his hat. “I'm all right,” he says finally, "Why?”

"Do you think you could fix my boiler?"

"I suppose I can try."

The way Bilbo’s face lights up is worth the broken boiler (in Bofur’s mind, at least.) “Really? You don't mind?"

“Of course! We’re friends, aren’t we?”

* * *

Bofur grabs his tools from the back room and sets a barista in charge of things for a little while.    
“Kili suggested I come,” Bilbo admits, as they step out into the blustery December day for the short walk next door. “He’s over there with Fili, and heard me complaining. Said you were good with fixing things.”

“You didn’t just come over to see me?” Bofur teases, holding the door to Baggins Buds open for Bilbo. “I’m hurt!”

Bilbo rolls his eyes. 

The flowershop isn’t much warmer than outside. Fili and Kili are at the counter, both still in their winter coats, and looking through a flower catalogue. 

“Hullo, boys!” Bofur calls, and they look up. Seeing the two of them together, something mischievous flits across their faces, but it’s gone so quickly that Bofur doubts it the second after. 

“Did you come to fix the boiler?” Kili asks. 

“That I did. What are you doing over here?”

“Helping Fili pick out a bouquet to give to our mom for Valentine’s Day.”

“That’s sweet of you.”

Bilbo leads Bofur back to the boiler room, and the boys follow behind them, asking what he’s going to do. The door to the room is propped open with a doorstop shaped like a rabbit. Kili starts kicking it idly as Bilbo shows Bofur the boiler.

“Don’t kick that.” Fili chides his brother. He is ignored.

“It just stopped working this morning,” Bilbo explains as Bofur inspects the machine. “I have no idea why. Fili took a look at it, but he couldn’t figure it out either.”

“Hm.” Bofur frowns and tugs at his mustache, kicking the boiler lightly. “I’ll check it out. I can’t guarantee--” He’s interrupted by the door to the boiler room swinging shut with a thud. The lock clunks home ominously.

“Oops.” Kili says.

“I told you not to kick that!” Fili cries.

“I didn’t know the door would swing shut like that!”

“Then why was there a doorstop, idiot!”

“Boys, stop fighting!” Bilbo calls, “just unlock the door and let us out!”

There’s a moment of silence, then Fili says, “You have the keys.”

Bilbo shuts his eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath. There’s no keyhole on this side of the door. 

“I’ll call a locksmith,” Fili says. “C’mon Kili.”

The two of them tromp away, and Bilbo faintly hears them start up another argument, something about ‘I told you this was a dumb idea!’ and ‘it’s not like we planned for the boiler to break, we won’t have another opportunity like this!’, and he has a revelation.

“Fili and Kili are trying to set us up,” he tells Bofur. The taller man had crouched back down to examine the broken machinery, and now looks up at Bilbo with a frown.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because. Fili keeps asking me what I think about you, and he either has a thing for you, or he’s trying to set us up. And I don’t think Fili is into guys.There was also that incident with the broken step. My shins still ache.”

Bofur doesn’t know what to say for a long while. He stares at Bilbo for a bit, then reaches up and scratches his hairline under his hat once again. “So your conclusion is that they’re trying to set us up?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t seem that upset about it.”

Bofur’s eyes widen. “Should I be?”

“I don’t know!” Bilbo throws his hands up in exasperation. “Isn’t it a little invasive to you?”

Bofur shrugs and turns back to the boiler. “I mean, there are worse people we could be set up with,” he says with a good natured chuckle. “Unless, of course, you hate me. That would be awkward.”

“I don’t hate you!” Bilbo cries. “Why on earth would I hate you? I like you, I really, really like you!”

Bofur spins around and stares at him with wide eyes. “Really?”

“Of course! Do you honestly think I come into your coffee shop every day only for your chai lattes?”

“I mean… I do make a mean chai latte.”

Bilbo smiles at him. “You do.” 

Bofur stands up, and suddenly, they’re very, very close together. “So,” he said, “you like me for more than my lattes?”

“Of course! I always have!”

Bofur is grinning wider that he ever thought possible. “That’s good, that’s really good. Say, what if we let Fili and Kili succeed at a plan, just this once?”

Bilbo grins back. “Just this once,” he replies, before standing up on his toes and kissing Bofur.

End

_ Bofur manages to fix the boiler in the half hour they’re waiting for the locksmith, and Fili and Kili are entirely too smug about the fact that before he leaves, Bofur reconfirms their Valentine’s Day date. Bilbo gives the troublemaking brothers a piece of his mind. _


End file.
